Is your reputation like a Lego set?
Your reputation is a lot like a Lego set.
Not a $25 Lego set that's easy to build.
But more like the $850 Millennium Falcon. It takes a long time to build and a lot of effort. It requires meticulous attention to detail. But it's very easy to destroy. If you knock it off a table, the pieces shatter everywhere.
You might lose a piece and never get it back together again.
Good reputations are like this, only more. They're difficult to build and easy to destroy.
We build our reputations over long periods of time. They're built through our actions, our relationships, and what others say about us.
They're damaged quickly the same way - our actions, our relationships, and what others say about us.
The Biggest Challenge in Building or Maintaining your Reputation
The biggest challenge is the imperfect nature of perceptions.
There's an element of mystery to reputations because what others think about us is at least partly hidden from us.
We each have an idea of what we're like. In some ways, no one knows us better than we know ourselves. But our view of ourselves is imperfect.
We can't experience ourselves the way others do.
Each person we interact with also has a view of us. Their views are also flawed. They don't know what's going on inside of us and can't read our minds. Impressions are formed based on what they experience.
Because time is limited, they also rely heavily on what others say about us.
So, while we think we're being funny, others may find us annoying.
We believe we're being thoughtful, but others may think we're slow to act.
We see ourselves as fast decision makers who take action. Others see us as impulsive and careless.
And we shouldn't expect everyone to agree about what they think of us. Each person has their own view.
Biases plague both our and others' perceptions. So, neither ourselves nor others are 100% accurate.
A Framework for Reflecting on Your Reputation
The Johari Window* is a helpful framework for understanding this.
The Johari Window asks two questions.
What do we know about ourselves and what's unknown to us?
What do others know about us, and what don't they know?
The things that both ourselves and others know about us are "Public."
There are also “Private” things that we know about ourselves that others don’t know.
We have "Blind spots" when others know things about us we don't know. And we all have these. Some things are "Unknown" to both ourselves and others.
Our self-image is based on what is "Public" and "Private." It includes what everyone knows about us. It also includes the things only we know about ourselves.
For example, it might be "Public" that I’m an excellent cook. But others might not realize I hate cooking. Both factor into my self-image. Unless my hatred of cooking leaks through my defenses, it doesn't affect my reputation.
(For the record, this is just an example. I’m not an excellent cook, and I don’t mind cooking).
Our reputations comprise both what's public and our blind spots. This is a problem for us, because things we don't even know affect our reputations.
Someone may be a charismatic speaker, but may not realize that people think they’re rude.
Both things affect their reputation. But unless they know people think they’re rude, they can't do anything about it.
So, a critical step for repairing a damaged reputation is greater self-awareness. This means understanding our blind spots so that we can do something about them.
Why Repairing Your Reputation is so Hard
A poor reputation is like a tattoo. It's easy to get, painful to remove, and leaves a scar.
You may work very hard to change your reputation, but it's difficult to get others to notice.
Why? Many things crowd their attention. Everyone is concerned with their own stuff. It's rare for them to step back and notice something different about you.
And only some things are within your control or influence.
You can control your own behavior. You have choices at every moment. What you say and do is your decision.
Through your actions and words, you can influence others' perceptions of you.
But ultimately, what someone else believes is out of your control.
You maximize your odds of changing others' perceptions with an intentional strategy.
Three Strategies for Enhancing Your Reputation
1. Become more aware of your blind spots.
You need to know what your reputation is to improve it.
To fully understand your reputation, it's important to illuminate your blind spots.
The most direct way to shed light on your blind spots is by asking for feedback. Ask people you trust to share feedback on your strengths and weaknesses. If people share the truth, you'll learn actionable information about your reputation.
Unfortunately, many people aren't willing to give direct, negative feedback.
If they value their relationship with you, it often feels too risky for them to tell you the unvarnished truth.
Good 360-feedback tools are helpful because they provide anonymity. People can share what they think without fear that you'll trace it back to them.
In my view, there are only a few really well-designed 360 feedback tools.
An example is Kaiser Leadership's Leadership Versatility Index.
Interviews conducted by an executive coach are even more powerful. They are more customized than 360 tools. They deliver richer and more targeted feedback that reveals others' perceptions.
2. Develop in public.
When we're working on weaknesses, we have a tendency to keep things close to the vest.
We keep our efforts private and hope others notice that we're improving.
But our coworkers suffer from information overload. There's so much coming at everyone all the time. Unless something grabs attention, it's likely to be overlooked.
Public development greatly increases the odds others will notice improvement.
This doesn't need to be complicated.
Here are three practical steps to develop in public.
Identify WHO you want to notice your improvement.
Tell each of them what you're working on and ask for their feedback and advice.
Consistently take concrete public steps over time and show progress.
This works because people perceive you intend to get better. Then they see you acting on your intent.
It also creates accountability for you.
3. Ask for feedback along the way.
Asking for feedback as you go accomplishes two things.
First, it reminds people to pay attention to your progress.
Second, it helps you determine what's working and what's not working so that you can adapt as needed.
You won't know if others' perceptions are changing if you don't ask.
It's important to ask directly.
An executive coach has additional tools available to help you get feedback more formally.
One example of a tool for this purpose is Kaiser Leadership's Progress Report.
I hope this article has encouraged you to reflect on your reputation.
If there’s one thing I’d like you to take away, it’s that you don’t know what you don’t know. Unless you ask.
Most of what you don’t know is probably good. You need to know that.
But you may find you need to work on how you’re perceived.
My goal has been to share with you a way to do that.
Re-building a reputation is a daunting challenge.
There are many hurdles and obstacles, and there's so much that's out of your control.
By identifying what you do control, developing a sound strategy, and taking consistent action, you will increase your odds of success.
*Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham created the Johari Window in 1955